Our childhood is a time when we learn about how life works. But not all of it is good for us as adults. As children, we depend on our caregivers to teach us about what is “normal” in life. So, we accept the dominant behaviours, beliefs and values of our childhood as what is “normal” for us. We start to expect it. For some of us, this means developing attachment issues in relationships. Our current relationships often mirror the one we had with our caregivers. And the stress of living in a huge city like London may have made it difficult for your caregivers to give you what you needed. How our parents treated us when we were little sets the foundation of how we expect we’ll be treated today. Such expectations are often rooted in our subconscious, so we’re rarely aware of them. But once we recognise they exist in our minds, we can change them. We can heal our inner child and transform our relationships by working on our attachment issues. If you have a history of bad relationships, read on to learn more. The 4 Attachment Styles First things first. What is attachment? It is the ability to form emotional bonds with others. Our relationship with our caregivers is the first real relationship in our life. It serves as a blueprint for how we approach our adult relationships. If our parents didn’t meet our emotional needs when we were little, it’s easy for us to develop attachment issues. This could be why you struggle with your relationships. Here are some general signs of attachment issues to watch for: Difficulty trusting others Craving love and affection which leads to risky behaviour Rarely feeling safe in relationships Uncontrolled jealousy Relationship anxiety Low self-esteem Emotional numbness If some of this sounds familiar, it could be useful to learn more. There are 4 attachment styles that have been scientifically observed. Each has different characteristics and different consequences. So let’s get into more detail! 1. Anxious attachment If you don’t feel secure in your relationships, you might have an anxious attachment style. You crave love and attention – you can’t get enough! People call you needy; you feel anxious and struggle with low self-esteem. You’re afraid of rejection and losing people. That’s why you tend to put so much effort into relationships but get little back. Sounds familiar? If so, your parents’ behaviour was probably unpredictable. Sometimes you’d get love and praise, and sometimes you felt like you were invisible. Your caregivers were sometimes there but other times they weren’t (physically or emotionally). You were never sure how they’d react nor what you should or shouldn’t do to get what you needed. 2. Avoidant/dismissive attachment People with this type of attachment issues in relationships are at the opposite end of the spectrum. You crave freedom and independence, and you often feel like others weigh you down. You avoid forming close connections, and emotions are challenging to you. Closeness makes you uncomfortable. You don’t want to get “tied down” and have difficulty in advancing your relationships to a more “serious” level. Your caregivers were unavailable to you. Even if they weren’t absent, they were cold and unaffectionate. Maybe they even rejected your needs and emotions. Maybe you were shamed if you cried. Or you couldn’t express yourself and had to follow the rules regardless of how you felt or what you thought. So, you learned to withdraw and self-soothe. You learned that it was a bad idea to ask for closeness and that it’s best if you avoid it as much as you can. 3. Disorganised attachment If your relationships are chaotic or very intense, you might have disorganised attachment. This one is a mix of the anxious and avoidant. You may seek intense closeness, and then you disappear. Hot’n’cold is your game. You feel an intense connection with someone, but then you push them away just when it gets really good. You can’t wrap your head around why you do it. The truth is that people with this attachment style feel that they don’t deserve love. They’re paralysed by fear. This often comes from childhood trauma. Your caregivers either outright ignored your needs and/or behaved unpredictably in a way that terrified you. Sadly, violence and abuse might be too familiar to you. 4. Secure attachment People with a secure attachment style usually develop healthy relationships. They feel stable and secure in them. They’re happy and comfortable with people they’ve bonded with and have empathy for others. Still, they have no trouble setting boundaries when necessary. They rarely struggle with relationship anxiety or jealousy. It’s easy for them to trust others. If this sounds like you then you’ve formed a positive emotional bond with your caregivers. Your needs were met, and your emotions were validated. As a result, you’re aware of your self-worth, and you don’t take every rejection to heart. You have no trouble asking for help and sharing your emotions and thoughts with others. Is It Possible to Move Back to Secure Attachment? Photo by Jonathan Borba – Pexels Yes! Yes, it is. So don’t worry if you recognise yourself in any of the three insecure attachment styles. It might take some work, but there is a way out. Understanding the problem is the first step. So, by reading this article, you’ve already started your way to healing! Hypnotherapy in London can help you get to the root cause. You can revisit core memories that shaped your attachment style and learn about what was missing. It can also help you develop empathy and compassion for yourself. That’s an important step towards building your self-worth and accepting that you are worthy of love. Regardless of how your caregivers treated you. A certified hypnotherapist can also help you set boundaries and work on your fears. Transforming your attachment style means working on your beliefs and behaviours. NLP can empower you to take control of both. A healthy relationship requires us to work

How to Get Rid of Money Blocks This Year Do you want to start the new year with a fresh outlook on success and money? Learning the technicalities of saving and investing is one way to go. But sometimes, even when we know what we should be doing, we find that we still don’t do it. We don’t have a savings account, we don’t stick to our budget, we spend too much on a night out… So, what’s the deal here? Well, we’re not always as rational as we wish to be. Our psychology, traumas, fears, past experiences and how we were raised play a huge part in how we behave with money. This is all normal. Everyone has their financial struggles. Yes, even rich people! Let’s dive deeper into this issue. Stick around to learn more about why you might be struggling with money and how to get rid of subconscious money blocks! What Is a Scarcity Mindset? It’s a belief that you don’t have enough and that you will never have enough. That you are not enough. When you live with a scarcity mindset, you see the world as lacking in money, resources, connection, love, friendship or anything else. People like this focus on what they don’t have and usually suffer with anxiety as a result. And it’s no wonder. When you feel like you can never be, do or have enough, you’re bound to be unhappy and worry constantly. So, even though the scarcity mindset includes much more than just finances, the focus of this post is on money blocks. They’re a variety of beliefs, thoughts and feelings that prevent us from growing financially. We can clear money blocks once we understand them. Most Common Money Blocks We can have money blocks when we want to get out of debt, start saving, ask for a raise or start our own business. To help you specify which is the one you might be struggling with, I created a list of the most common ones: Having limiting beliefs. “Earning money is hard” or “I’m always broke.” Beliefs like this will stop you from seeing or accepting opportunities that could lead you to earning more money. You simply won’t believe that good stuff is possible for you. Negative self-talk can be a huge barrier to your financial success. It will stop you from even trying! “I’m so bad with money” or “I don’t deserve to get paid more” are good examples of sentences that you should purge from your mind. Demonising money means that you view money as something bad or evil. Now, if this is the case for you, what does it mean if you want more money? It means that you are or will be a bad person. Of course, this has nothing to do with reality. Both rich and poor people can be bad. Or good! And having money doesn’t automatically make you a bad person. You can detect this issue by looking out for phrases like: “Rich people are rotten” or “Money brings the worst out of people.” Strong emotions and holding grudges against people who’ve had a lot or too little money can really hurt your relationship with finances. If you had either rich or poor parents who neglected you, this might be the issue for you. Having parents who cared more about money than you or parents who never bothered to earn enough money even for decent clothing can really hurt. For some, this can be a deep trauma. Beating yourself up for money mistakes. So, maybe you messed up with money in the past. You got into debt, gambled the money away, made the wrong investment… Whatever it is, you just can’t let it go. Holding on to your financial errors likely means that you’re stuck in fear of making another mistake. Learning to forgive yourself and accepting what was can truly free you up. Fear of finances. So many people are too scared to even look at their accounts and track their spending. There can be plenty of reasons behind it, but let’s just say it – ignoring your spending won’t make it go away! Avoiding handling your finances can only make things worse. Getting to the root cause and gathering courage is the way to go with this one. How to Clear Money Blocks and Live Abundantly Photo by Zac Durant on Unsplash I shared my story with you here because I wanted to show you how our childhood and our family influences how we view money. And how we use it. Understanding where your blocks are coming from is a huge step towards getting rid of them. Then you can work on healing your inner child and soothing your fears. Everything is easier when your inner child is healed and taken care of. Then you can lead your financial life from a place of trust and safety. So, you can begin by asking yourself: what happened in my childhood that made me feel this way about money? Take some time to reflect on this and write it down. You may be surprised at what you find! The easiest option to clear your money blocks is to work with a certified therapist or psychologist. He or she can lead you safely through your past and subconscious as well as help you with difficult emotions. As a certified hypnotherapist, I can also provide guidance and support on your journey to financial wellbeing. If you wish to know more, feel free to contact me.  

6 Steps To Keeping Your New Year’s Resolutions Do you want to make New Year’s resolutions stick this time? If you’re tired of failing to achieve your goals year after year, I’ve got you. I was stuck in that loop for a long time, and the struggle is real. A recent study discovered that around 64% of people give up on their New Year’s resolutions within the first month. We’ve all been a part of that statistic at least once in our lives. But, how can we change that? How can we make our resolutions stick this year? There are some steps that you can take, and I’ve listed them in this post for you. If you’re struggling with your resolutions, try to use this list to detect what went wrong and what you can do to fix it. And don’t worry, if it turns out that you messed up – it’s never too late to start again! In fact, if you read to the end, you’ll see that failing is actually part of the process. Photo by Ronnie Overgoor on Unsplash Here are the 6 steps that will help you keep your New Year’s resolutions. 1. Focus on one goal at a time When we get excited about making a change, we feel like we can do it all! Start exercising, drink more water, quit smoking, start an online business… We try to do it all at once. While it’s great to have many goals, it’s also important to keep it realistic. That’s why the best thing you can do for yourself is to pick just one goal to begin with. This way, you won’t get overwhelmed by all the demands you put on yourself. It’s okay if you take it slow. You don’t have to achieve everything you want this month, or the next one. You have a whole year and a whole life to get to where you want to be. Start today, but start smart. Make sure that your goal is realistic and measurable. If you’re the kind of person who smokes a pack of cigarettes per day, it might be too difficult to stop overnight. Instead, make that a yearly goal and start by smoking less and less throughout the year, until quitting completely feels more manageable. 2. Make a plan Set milestones and checkpoints. These can be weekly or monthly. Schedule some time to check on your progress to see what went well and what went wrong. What are some things that are tripping you up? Don’t be afraid to troubleshoot your process. Take your lifestyle and personality into account when making a plan. Make it suit you. What works for someone else might not work for you. Find the most convenient ways to implement the new changes into your life and your schedule. Your obligations won’t disappear overnight, so have them in mind. This way, you will raise your odds of keeping your resolutions. Having a good plan written down is almost half the job done. 3. Reward yourself If you have something to look forward to, it will be easier to do the work. So, celebrate each milestone and each small success, but don’t stop just at that. If you have a tough day, and you still get up to work out – celebrate that too! Think about what makes you happy and what you enjoy doing. Then do it as a reward. This can be some chocolate, a movie night or a date with your friends. Whatever it is, make sure it means something to you. 4. Remember why achieving this goal is important to you When it gets hard, it’s important to remember why you want to achieve your goal. Take some time to be alone and reflect on your reasons. Write down your why and keep it near. When you feel like you want to give up, read it! Remembering your reasons will pull you out of your slump and give you enough energy and willpower to persist. 5. Find ways to have fun along the way Change can be difficult, but it doesn’t have to be boring. Have a friend join you. Laugh at your failures. Let music help you with the mood. When you’re feeling unmotivated, just get up and do a few minutes of a silly dance. Just do it. You can’t feel down when you’re flailing your arms like Chicken Little. Fun makes everything better. (Except for funerals, maybe) 6. Let yourself fail and learn from it Listen, life will get in the way. You will fail at some point. And that’s ok! You don’t have to get everything perfect to make your resolution stick. That’s why all-or-nothing goals are too unrealistic – sometimes life just gets in the way. So, don’t make it your goal to practise the piano every single day for 2 hours straight. Instead, try finding a few more advanced songs you’d like to master, think about what you need to do to get there and plan around that. Be forgiving. Learn to talk to yourself with love. Here’s an affirmation that can help you stop beating yourself up: “I give myself permission to fail. I don’t have to be perfect to succeed. I’m doing my best and that’s enough.” Leave some room for life. You won’t erase all your progress if you mess up once or skip one training session. Just start again tomorrow. Photo by Giulia Bertelli on Unsplash If you feel like you could use some guidance, feel free to contact me via email or a scheduled call. Keep motivated and stick to your New Year’s resolutions this year with the help of a certified hypnotherapist.